


A New Life

by Aphilligin



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, F/F, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Vampires, Twilight Renaissance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-12-16 19:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aphilligin/pseuds/Aphilligin
Summary: James bit Bella, and she the venom set in. If only she hadn't gone to play baseball with Vampires. If only she had the good sense to call his bluff and stay with Alice and Jasper. If only Edward had gotten there a little bit sooner. Edward tried to suck the venom out, but she tasted so heavenly. Good thing Carlisle was there to save her. His only hope was to bite her over and over, hoping she would turn instead of embracing death. It turns out she wasn't meant to die in the old ballet studio in Phoenix. She was meant to live a new life, but nothing about life is easy. Looks like she see's things differently with crimson eyes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you have been reading my story 1933, which is part of a three part series about Rosalie and Bella. I am actively posting that series, the first book is nearly completed. In the process of posting I have had an overwhelming amount of support for my writing. It has meant very much to me, so much so that I have decided to begin sharing my first Fan fiction of Rosella. This story was started a couple years ago but is still not finished. I intend to finish it, but in the interim I figure you may enjoy it. My writing style has developed and hopefully gotten better since this, so please excuse any shortcomings here. I hope you enjoy this and that it brings you entertainment like it has me.

Chapter 1: The beginning? The end? Who knows.

My eyes opened to bright daylight streaming in a large window beside my bed. Was I on a bed? My vision was fuzzy, I could hardly make out the image of what was in front of me. It was too unnerving to let my eyes focus, I flinched them shut. I had no idea where I was or even if I was anymore. Trying to determine if this world around me was real or an illusion in death, I spread my fingers out to feel a fine threaded sheet. I was on a bed, that was confirmed. Under my head was a lumpy flat pillow. My fingers were stiff as they stretched out over the canvas of the bed. My body was a sort of surreal numb. I decided to attempt to move my toes. I felt the tension of the sheet on my toes as they moved. I still had toes, so this was a good sign. I had not had the courage to open my eyes long enough to let them adjust the hellishly bright surrounding. I could smell a strong scent of pine and honeysuckle. Somehow, I could smell that it had just rained; in fact I could hear the sound of condensation dripping from a leaf to the ground outside. What Kind of drugs were they giving me? It was a sensory overload and I hadn't even opened my eyes again.

"Edward?" I spoke expectantly. I could smell his strong fragrance. I knew he was there.

"Bella. I'm here, I am right here."

"Whe..where are we?" I felt a harsh burning in my throat. The kind of burning one get's from not drinking water for days. I moved my mouth, trying to swallow my spit to lubricate my throat. It offered no relief.

"I was too late, I just couldn't." He spoke low and soft. My mind flashed to a series of images. The car on the way to a hotel in the desert. Alice looking back at me with a worried expression. Jasper comforting her on the couch of a hotel room. My old ballet studio and the sound of my mother's frantic voice. I felt the phantom ache of my bones breaking. The stinging on my wrist. I saw his face, His angelic face as he leaned over me to take in my damage.

"It was my fault, I was stupid and I thought he had my mom."

"It wasn't your fault, If I were faster or stronger…"

"I'm okay now. I need to call mom and Charlie. They are probably so worried." I spoke as I allowed myself to open my eyes. I sat up; my body screaming for all it had been through with me. Every joint in my bones felt stiff. My muscles seemed tight and sore, I felt like I had just run a marathon holding weights. My eyes focused, it seemed that this accident had given me clearer vision. I knew my contacts weren't in but I could see so clearly. I felt like I was seeing Edward for the first time. Noticing the fine lines in his face, the specs in the honey of his eyes. He noticed my struggle and moved quickly to stop me from getting up.

"I don't think that's a good idea. We need to talk before you do anything." Edward persuaded.

Just then Carlisle came through the door and into the bedroom. I noticed just then that we were in the Cullen house and not in a hospital. Had I slept through a hospital visit and a drive here? Why was I not in Phoenix, or even at my house?

"Hello Bella, I'm glad to see you are up."

"Hey..." I said dumbly. My mind was still trying to catch up. "So what happened to me? The last thing I remember James was with me in the studio, there was just so much pain…" I scrunched my face trying to remember the details. The same images flashed through my mind. They all seemed so fuzzy now, like I was watching a memory on an 8mm film. Carlisle sat down on the end of the bed. Edward stood at the foot of the bed with an obvious distance. After however many hours or days I had been out, I must have had my own over powering musk, I couldn't blame him for his hesitation.

"There was an accident, you were losing a lot of blood. James had bitten you, and you were dying. I'm not sure if you would have died or if James's venom would have been enough to turn you. It only felt appropriate that Edward try to save you, since you two share a connection." He paused to consider his son. "He attempted to suck the venom out, however…" He looked down at the bite on my arm; he regained focus and continued, not breaking eye contact with my scar. "Your blood is a singer for him."

"What do you mean?" At this he met my eyes again.

"Your blood called to him. It is very difficult for even the most mature vampires to drink a human's blood without killing them. Edward had to consume your blood along with the venom, for it had mixed with your blood." He sighed. "It was too much for him to handle. I should have done it myself. I made a bad judgement call. For that I am sorry." He placed his hand on my shoulder.

Understanding began to take hold. For good measure I asked the question on the tip of my tongue. "What what happened?"

"Erm…" Carlisle turned his head to look at Edward. The two shared what seemed to be a conversation without a word. Edward nodded his head to Carlisle and paced to the wall. He leaned on the far side wall near the window. He didn't look at me anymore, only out the window.

"Edward was able to get the venom out, but in the process, he began a frenzy. Like I said, your blood is a singer to him. It took all my strength to get him off of your wrist. At this point, we were sure you would die. I had no supplies, no blood to treat you with. Your consciousness had drifted and I was left with no other option."

"I don't...?"

"I had to bite you in every major vein you have. You'll notice the scars glisten from all the areas I worked on. I wasn't sure that even with all the venom I gave you, that you would take it on and turn. I had to try, I couldn't let such a wonderful, selfless, young life pass because of the vengeance of one vampire and the mistake of another." He paused looking down at my hand. He reached for the top of my hand and clasped my grip. I could feel nothing by the sensation of touch. No cold, no heat, he was the same temperature as myself.

"Bella, you are a vampire." Edward said abruptly as he turned to face me for the first time since his positioning. His face showed disappointment and hatred. He turned away again once more to the window.

"I gave you a sedative once I was able to get the medication and we got you out of the studio and into a safe space. After that your heart continued to beat, weak as it was, until this morning. I hope you are at peace with your fate, there was no time to consider your will in the matter."

"I don't know what to say." My mind mulled over the events of the last few days. I wondered if I were living a dream, but the aching of my stiff body made me believe it was real. "I am more than okay, I mean, I …I wanted this. Edward, you don't have to be upset. I'm fine with this."

He moved from the window towards the door, he turned the brass knob and began to make his way out, stopping half way through his exit.

"I've stolen your soul, Bella. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing will ever make me stop hating myself for what I did to you." With that he was out of the room. Carlisle sighed and turned back to me.

"I think it would be best if you do not contact Charlie or your mother until we figure this out. I'm not saying forever, It's just not safe for them or us right now. I hope you understand."

"Okay, but what does he think happened to me?"

"I'm not sure, I will send Alice to ask about you. She can pretend to have not heard from you. Maybe she can gather some answers. In the meantime, I think you should eat. I'll have Edward go with you to show you how to hunt."

As soon as he mentioned hunting a strong fire lit in my throat. It was as if I had strep throat and I drank boiling water, all at one time. I gripped the sheets, they tore under my pressure. Emmett burst into the room like a bull. His face had the widest grin I had ever seen on it. I would have laughed had my throat not been on fire.

"Bells! I am so happy you are awake! I heard you Carlisle talking about the hunting, there is no way I'm not going to be there to see that. This is the day I've been waiting for! Bells learning to hunt! We can totally grab a couple bucks to ease you into it, but I want you up to a mountain lion by the end! This week we have to hunt bears! We can run up to the Canada border and hunt here. There are way less people in the Rocky's, maybe we should head over there."

He spoke so loudly and fast he didn't give me a chance to process anything. It's a good thing he didn't need oxygen, because he would have passed out.

"I don't care where Emmett, my throat is killing me, I need something now." I said with severity.

"Yeah, I remember that! You get used to it. Well, let's go! Hey Edward, Rosie! Let's go!" He turned and shouted unnecessarily. I could hear the sound of Rosalie brushing her hair in her room and Edward pacing in his room. I'm pretty sure they knew our conversation already.

"I'm not going to go chasing after her if she tries to kill a hiker or a group of brownies. She is not my responsibility." Rosalie spouted out from her room coldly. I heard her door slam as she exited her room. Her footsteps were loud on the floor as she made her way down the stairs.

Edward was suddenly outside the door, He stood against the frame as he spoke.

"Nothing will happen. We will all go and make sure that there are no casualties. I think we should start in the national park. Its close by, she won't have as much of a chance catching human scents on the way to hunt and its secluded."

"Eddie, I'm getting so tired of Elk and mountain goats. That's almost all that area has." Emmett whined.

"They have black bears too, you just have to be a better tracker to find them." Edward half teased.

"I do find them, I'm a hunter Eddie, it's just that I don't think Bells will be happy with goat. They have a lot of mountain goats." Emmett said.

"She won't even know the difference right now. C'mon." Rosalie shouted impatiently from the front door.

I stood up for the first time. Although my muscles were sore, my body felt weightless. We glided down the steps, each so effortless. Either the drugs were still in my system or being a vampire was going to take some adjusting. I could hear Carlisle sit back down at his desk in his office. I heard no other sound. The house was empty aside from the four of Carlisle and us.

"Where are Alice and Jasper? And Esme?" I questioned.

"They went to Seattle to shop for clothes for you. Well, Alice did, Esme needed some things to decorate a room for you. Jasper is supposed to be there to keep them in check. I doubt Jasper will do much to deter them from splurging." Edward said in a way that seemed more like the Edward I knew. He had been so quiet and pensive, I wondered if he had transformed into something else too. I was glad he was still my Edward.

"So, you are giving me my own room?" I said.

"We don't know how well you will integrate with the humans of this town. We need to be prepared to have you away from them until we are sure you wont hurt anyone." Edward said.

"Why can't I stay with you?" I spit out as if that would have been the obvious scenario that the Cullen's somehow overlooked.

Edward opened the door for me as we shuffled out of the house. Emmett followed. Rosalie did too. She remained quiet and expressionless in the back of our pack. Emmett did little to hide his emotions of excitement.

"Nothing has changed in that aspect Bella. You may be a vampire now, but that doesn't change that I am committed to keeping your virtue in tact, as much as possible." Edward stated in a strict tone.

"I thought before it was just that you didn't want to…. you know…Kill me." I struggled with my worlds.

"Can we talk about this another time Bella?" Edward said as he pushed past the rest of the group. Without another chance to speak he was making distance towards the park without the others and I.

Being out in the forest was so different from how I remembered it. Its like the world had become much more fragrant, the colors of the trees and the moss were richer. Birds flew in slow motion when we ran, the trees should have been a blur, but my focus was unbreakable. I had never felt so light and graceful. What happened to my two left feet? I found myself bouncing from log to rock to ground with no tripping, no scraped knees. This was a dream I didn't want to wake up from, and I wouldn't. This was my life now, and it was incredible. I was in my own incredible world when Emmett stopped on a dime. My newfound reflexes did not betray me, I stopped to take in what he was sensing.

Not more than a mile away, a mountain climber was mid climb in the national forest. He was alone with only 20 feet or so to the top of his obstacle. He attempted a ledge almost out of his reach, when his hand grasped the rock ledge he trusted his grip too much. His hand gave, his stance slipped, and his knee scraped against the rock. Blood immediately tickled down his leg; he hold was too fragile to allow him to wipe his leg. The blood started falling from his leg to the forest below.

My newfound reflexes did not betray me, I stopped to take in what he was sensing. A strong smell assaulted my nose. It was like nothing I had ever experienced, my mind was whirling with thoughts, observations and commands. The scent lit a fire in my throat; I all had ever desired was dull in comparison to this. My body only wished to follow the scent. Blood.


	2. The Cat and Mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella gets thirsty and things get messy. I couple of ruffled feathers and one pissed off blonde later, we see a quite evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you proceed to enjoy this. I did not realize just how many error I had in this story, so I hope I got them all. Again, this was my first story from a couple years ago, just felt it should be shared now for you folks.

No one, and nothing else mattered. I still had no concept of just how keen my senses were. Even over a mile away I could sense him, my vision of him zeroed from the high hill I was on. It was almost as if the forest was a dark night and this beating heart was a beacon. The blood running down his leg called to me. It took no more than a half of a second to stop my movement, smell the iron within the red liquid and realize that it was my reason for existence. My body moved instinctively as I was on my way to catch this prey. It would be mine. He would be mine. Emmett and the others followed closely behind calling to me. I heard nothing but faint cries. I ran faster than them, and this animal would be all mine because of that.

"Bella! Bella no! That is a human, you can't hurt a human!" Emmett desperately cried.

"Bella, I forbid you, do not do this Bella!" Edward was calmer but sterner than Emmett.

My human nature caught up to my vampire somehow. I began to hear my family calling to me, but I didn't want to stop. Blood was all I needed; it was all I would ever want again. A Battle began inside of myself. My human was at war with my vampire, and she was surprisingly strong. My human snapped my consciousness back into focus. My vampire body fought my mind's efforts. I did not stop, but only slowed my pace. The others caught up, the boys pleading with me while Rosalie remained silent.

"Bella please, I can't have you hurting a human, that is going to mess up what we have going here." Emmett was almost whining.

"You need to stop Bella!" Edward was sticking with his stern approach.

Edward moved to block my way, causing me to stop altogether. He put his hands firmly on my shoulders in an effort to shake me out of it. I slapped his hands off my shoulders and knelt defensively giving out a low growl. He backed away slightly. I stood tall; the war inside me was too much to bear. I started pacing with my hand on my head, growling all along. I couldn't take it. Why was human blood so tantalizing? I was clouding my thoughts, clouding my judgment. Rosalie began to approach. Did she not just see how I reacted to Edward? A man I would give my life for. Rosalie and I had never been what I would call friends. Tall, toned, curvy, confident, well put together; she was everything I was not. Up to this point she had never been anything but rude to me. My human never saw a fault in her, but my new vampire wasn't in the mood to handle this insulting woman.

She moved to stand in front of me, not completely blocking my way. She stood with her arms crossed, straight-backed. She stared me down, looking directly into my eyes. She was commanding my attention. With that glare she could command an army. I really wasn't sure If I could deal with her smugness at that moment. I was in pain; I just needed it to stop. At that moment, the only thing I was sure of was that blood would make it stop.

"Listen bitch, if you go all psycho on that guy we all loose this life. Don't get me wrong, I would much rather live in some of the other places we have been, but my family likes this place. You bite, touch or hurt that human in any way, its over for all of us. Including you."

I was silent as we stared each other down. It was like we were sizing each other up. She made it apparent that she would be in charge, not me. I was feeling pretty confident in my new form, but she had me beat. As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I did care about all of them, and I think she somehow knew that I couldn't do something that I knew would hurt them. I noticed I was still standing straight in an aggressive way. She hadn't moved or wavered in her stance. I backed down in defeat.

The blood was still too much for me to handle. I groaned loudly in an answer to her, and turned on my heel to run the opposite direction. I was about two miles from where I made my exit when I caught another scent. The last scent, the human was floral, rusty and sweet, making an impossibly delicious mixture. This was gamey and rusty, not as good as a human, but it was still appetizing. In the next instant I was in pursuit.

I slowed my pace and assumed stealth behind a fallen log. I was hunched, slowly sleuthing around from the log to a high rock behind the drinking doe. I made my way to his back atop a rock when another scent assaulted me. I was so focused on the doe I had nearly missed the smooth, rich savory smell of another beast approaching. I immediately caught sight of a mountain lion preying on my kill. This beast would be mine.

Just as the mountain lion made his move to attack the thirsty doe I made mine. We made a hard impact mid air a few feet from the doe. The lion was caught off guard but attempted to recover and defend himself. With a hard fall into the forest floor below we began our grapple. I moved to pierce his strong neck when he gave my back a good modification. His sharp claws cracked my hard stone exterior. His hind paws pushed my body off him and a few feet away. I landed less gracefully than I would have hoped. I twisted and lifted myself from the ground when I was met with the fierce lion once more. He had moved to grasp my shoulder with his jaws but was met with my right hand grasping his mouth. I swung my body onto his, as if to straddle his strong body like a horse riding into battle. I reached my left arm around the under side of his chest and bit with an overzealous mouthful of flesh on his neck. His skin gave way and I drank all he had to offer me as the victor.

I've never been a violent person; I have always been one to turn the other cheek. My vampire had taken over in those moments, and though I could never have imagined it, I loved the hunt. I was reborn into this life, and it suited me well.

After I had finished my first meal I awoke from the frenzy I was in. My throat had almost ceased to burn. Only a low kindle where a blaze had been. I stood up and quickly assessed what had happened. My dress was torn off my shoulder and up my left thigh. I was pretty sure my hair was something that resembled a bird's nest and my skin was caked in mud several places. There was blood on my dress and on the forest floor. I wondered if the others made this much of a mess when they ate. Then the thought occurred to me that I didn't know where the others were. It was then that I heard a throat clear. I turned to see all three of my hunting partners behind me standing. They must have been watching the whole time.

"I'm so sorry that I almost got that human, I don't know what happened…it's like I wasn't me, I couldn't control myself. I almost ruined everything." A rush of emotions was hitting me; the strongest was guilt and then fear. What if they decided that I was beyond help? They would probably leave me and see me for the impossible project I was. I would have killed that man; I didn't stop because I cared about his life. I didn't stop because it was wrong. I only stopped because of my family. What if they were not there next time?

Edward had an expression of sadness, Emmett was grinning from ear to ear and Rosalie was unreadable. This was it, Edward started towards me. He did not touch me and stood at a distance from me. He didn't face me completely, turned slightly away.

"Bella, I know this is hard. You did very good, I'm sorry you are going through this." Edward said.

"That was so awesome! You skipped beginner level Bells, next time we are definitely getting some grizzly!" Emmett was busting at the seams with excitement.

I smiled for the first time since my transformation. Emmett had a way of making me feel good. He was so careless and goofy. I needed some of that in my life. Between him and my hunt, I felt so powerful. I felt like taking on the world. We had started back towards the house. Since I was so pumped, I was feeling more competitive than usual.

"So, do you all wanna race back to the house? I want to test out my new legs…and I bet I can beat you." I said looking at Emmett. Emmett shot me a smirk in surprise.

"I'm not the fastest out of us, but I can sure beat the hell out of you in a race!" He said cockily.

"I'll beat all of you. That means you." I said taunting Edward.

Edward met my eyes but gave only a silent small smile. I hated not being able to tell what was going on with him. Clearly something was wrong, but we didn't have a minute to talk. I was honestly hoping to get ahead of the others with him and talk for a minute.

"You going to let your woman beat you back to the house Edward?"

"I don't really feel like games right now, but you guys race. Have fun; I'll just pace myself back to the house. I have a lot on my mind anyways." Edward said trying to be cheerful, but failed miserably.

"I could walk with you, we could talk?" I said in a careful tone.

"Its okay Bella, I'm not really up for talking. Maybe soon. I just need to think." He said then without allowing me to respond he changed direction and left the group.

"Don't worry Bells, He gets all "whoa is me" sometimes. He will be fine, he is probably just upset that you will be able to pick him up and carry him like a baby now." He chuckled. "He has never dated since I've known him, and I can't see him liking being the submissive one."

"What do you mean? I'm still me." I said

"You don't really need him like you did. You aren't some weak helpless lamb." Emmett said in a baby voice teasingly.

"Emmett, I love you, but you can be so dense. He is not upset that she can beat him in an arm wrestle, I think he is upset that she is going to hell." Rose spoke up. I had almost forgotten she was trailing behind us.

"Whatever lets race." With that he bolted.

I set off after him, within a minute I was on his heels. We approached the river, he choose to jump the length of the river. I choose to run the log that created a natural bridge over the water. When he landed, he landed in mud. The force of his land caused his foot to stick. He rolled into a tree. I heard a loud crack from the tree breaking under his blow. The tree was coming down. I paused in instinct to make sure he was okay. Rosalie shouted not to worry. With that I set out on my way again. Rosalie had gained about fifty feet on me in the incident. I quickly caught up to her. She began to speed up more. She was staying just ahead of me. I didn't understand how she was so fast. I was easily beating Emmett, but it was taking all of my energy to stay on her heals.

"Getting tired yet porcelain?" She asked sharply. If I wasn't mistaken, he had teased me playfully. Sort of.

I was so shocked that I lost a little of my speed. I snapped out of it and caught back up, but I still couldn't beat her. I'd never hear the end of it if she could beat me as a newborn. I was supposed to be faster and stronger. I tried my hardest, but I could only stay in sync with her. We both reached the yard to the Cullen house at the same time. I have to admit that she was much smoother at running; she was graceful like a deer. She leapt over logs with ease, her movement fluid.

I guess that level of grace in movement didn't come with being a vampire. I was definitely a lot less clumsy, but that was mostly because everything seemed to slow when I was running as a human. I could see each root and tree so much easier at my speed than I could when Edward had carried me running. Even though I could see everything, that clearly didn't mean I paid attention to everything. I had been so focused on Rosalie and beating her that I missed the obvious large house that approached. I slowed down too late, and in an effort to not create a hole in the garage, by my tank of a body, I attempted to stop suddenly. This was a grave mistake.

My feet got caught up on one another. I tripped and rolled into the garage door. The door, of course, could not stop me from barreling through. I hit a once beautiful black two-seater convertible with 2 silver stripes. The entire front fender gave like foil under my blow. I felt a sharp shot of pain to my right shoulder. I disconnected my shoulder from the car and noticed a crack splintering out on my skin. As I watched the crack and the pain quickly disappeared. I stood up hoping that I had done something that was common and not a total disaster. Vampires have to have mishaps like this in the Cullen house, right?

"You stupid bitch!" Rosalie was shouting and marching at me. I had never felt so afraid. James had nothing on Rosalie. If I were human I probably would have wet myself and fainted. Instead I just sat there like a deer in headlights.

In an instant her hand gripped the remaining fabric of my dress. Before my mind could register the movement I was sailing out of the garage and into a tree. I scrambled to my feet, my face contorted with fear. She approached with her jaw set and body rigid.

Thankfully Emmett was there to stop her. He got between us holding his hand out in an effort to calm her down. She ignored him. Her pupils we obsidian black and her face was wrinkled in anger. She balled her fists and held her shoulders straight back.

"Whoa Rose! Calm down. It's just a car; you have all the time in the world to fix it. Hey! A new project for you! You wont be bored, eh?" He said as if he was talking down a toddler throwing a fit in a grocery store. She ignored him completely. He attempted to halt her from reaching me by placing his hand on her shoulders. I thought that was his last move. That would be it for Emmett McCarty Cullen.

She stopped and looked at his hand. Then she looked into his face. I saw the anger and fire of 10,000 Hells in the look she gave him. She spoke calmly and sternly.

"So, Emmett, what you are telling me is that my 1966 Shelby Cobra 427 "Super Snake" is just a car?"

"Rose, You can fix it, you will have more to do now." Emmett said as if it were perfectly logical.

"This car is worth about five million dollars. That fender will cost me several grand to replace if I can't pound it out. Look at it!"

"I'll give you the money Rose!" Emmett said pleading.

"Its not about the fucking money Emmett! Ugh!" She clenched her fists and turned to walk out of the garage. She stopped to look at me once more. "You better stay away from me, or your face will look like that fender."

She walked out, passing my old truck she grunted and put all of her anger into one lethal blow to my truck's hood. The sides of my hood gave under the immense pressure it was under. They flew up a splash water as a large rock hits. She didn't make any apologies for her outburst; she just walked off and into the house.

"Well, she is going to be in a bad mood for the next few days. You couldn't pick the challenger or the Vette to smash?" He said in a serious but teasing tone.

"Next time I'll try to pick a better car to ruin." I shrugged and rolled my eyes.

"Bella Marie Swan! You get over here and give me a hug!" Spoken by the most musical and angelic like voice I knew. Alice didn't even give me a chance to come to her; by the time I took a step she had run and jumped into me for a full body hug. Had I still been a human I would have fallen back once more. I was slightly proud that I didn't. She gave me the tightest hug I think I had ever received.

"Its so good to see you Alice." I said softly while we hugged.

She got down off of me after a brief minute. Her face turned to a frown. She hit my shoulder with a surprisingly strong slap; my body was forced back just an inch.

"You scared me Bella, you are lucky you already turned, because I would kill you for how much worry you caused me!" She pouted.

"I didn't mean to. I thought James had my mom. I'm sorry Alice. If it means anything, it wont happen again" I said with a wink.

"Oh, its okay, I'm over it." She said with her own brand of bubbly.

Jasper stood quiet behind Alice, with a gentlemanly smile on his face. I wasn't sure if I had ever seen his smile. Usually he was in pain around me. He exuded happiness and warmth and I felt it overwhelm me.

"Hey Jasper, its nice to see you. How's it going?"

"Its going well ma'am. It is nice to see you up about moving around. I am also happy that I no longer wish to eat you." Jasper tipped his head my direction like a southern gentleman.

"Okay, so I need to show you what I got you! Vampire will have never looked so good, well, I mean on you. Its obviously hard to compete with me in the fashion department."

I would have normally groaned, but I was just so happy to see another friendly face that I entertained her. We made our way through the house and up to Alice's room. Her room was like the most organized, bright and girly room I think I had ever been in. It wasn't cheesy but very chic and delicate.

Her bed was a bright with white grey and yellow. It contained the colors in a mandala style. On floor laid a metropolis of shopping bags all neatly lined up next to her bed. She must have spent a couple thousand dollars.

"This isn't all mine is it?" I questioned in horror.

"Well, yes, but we can go back in a few weeks once Jasper has recuperated from this trip. He seems to need a little while to even out from the excitement I throw his way. He is so cute. Let's start trying it all on! If I remembered right, you are a size two?"

"Yeah, Sometimes a four in certain things, but I'm sure it will work." I glazed over for a second imagining how long this would take. "We don't have to try on all this now, right?"

"Honestly, Bella, What else do you have to do? Do you have some pressing engagement? Just humor me." She said rolling her eyes as she dug clothes out of the first bag.

I was surprised that I didn't look like an Alice clone. She saw me in a totally different style when she shopped. She bought me more Chucks, which caught me by surprise, even if they were much more stylish in the array of colors she bought. They did almost completely contrast my old worn black and white ones. She got me an assortment of vans and leather boots too. I think she bought me about 10 pairs of jeans and leggings. Some with fashioned rips and tears. All of them were skinny, unlike my old flared and boot cut pants. I had a couple different leather jackets to choose from and about a billion tanks, shirts and tops to match them with. I would of course have to get her approval on all combinations, if I didn't want a lecture on fashion.

After about an hour of trying on different combinations, at vampire speed I might add, more combinations than I knew possible we finished. I could smell wet paint and dry wall coming from nearby. We both shuffled down the hall to one of their many guest rooms. The room in which the smells were coming from was nestled in between Edward and Rosalie's room. I opened the door to see one of my favorite creatures, Esme.

She had her back to me when I first opened the door; she was rolling paint with a long stick. The room was about half done with the same color paint my old room at Charlie's house's color. She stopped when I walked in and put the brush down. She was wearing a white tank top and old Jean overalls that appeared to be veterans of her redecorating. She wiped the hair out of her face, careful to not wipe paint from a smudge on her arm onto her. She gave me a warm smile and I felt suddenly like I was truly home.

"Hello Bella, its so good to see you dear." She said opening her arms and coming to me. I was instantly drawn to her embrace. We gave a short but heartfelt hug before she stepped back and gave me a good look over.

"I see Alice got to you." She smiled.

"Yeah, I would have come said hello, but we were sort of busy with this for the last 6 hours." I said smirking.

"Oh, shut up, it took an hour! You loved it." Alice said from behind me.

The rest of the night was spent sitting on the couch watching Emmett play video games while Alice and I talked about what all had happened at the high school since I was gone. I had only missed a week, but to hear Alice tell it, I had missed everything. My thoughts often turned to Charlie throughout the previous day. I had worried about how he and my mom were, hoping everything was okay. In these moments, I almost forgot about all the worry I had for Charlie, my mom and the new struggles this life were going to bring me.


	3. Communication is Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella adjusts to her new life and ties up a few loose ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support on this story, let me know what you think! Ill add chapter four tonight or tomorrow!

Before I knew it, Dawn broke. I survived my first night as a vampire. It was odd to not feel tired. I was pretty sure I would like this part about my new existence. We were still camped on the couch, but Emmett had gone up to his room to read comics, because he was actually twelve.   
Rosalie passed through the living room on her way out to the garage. She held a firm composed expression of hatred mixed with apathy, if that were possible. I felt myself sink lower into the couch.  
Alice was so easy to talk to. Well, to be honest, I didn't really talk that much; I just listened to her rant about everything. She never seemed to run out of topics. During a particularly passionate rant about the difference between wearing fashionable vintage clothing and old trash worthy hand me downs; Edward came back from his long walk. He noticed us immediately on the couch and greeted us. His sad smile didn’t reach his eyes, I knew he had a heavy night. He tried to remain positive.   
"Alice, Bella. Are you having a good time?" He said cheerfully.  
"Of course, we are Edward, we are best friends. Did you have a nice walk?" Alice stated matter-of-factly.  
Edward signed. He moved to the couch and sat down. I almost thought he was going to ignore her question, but he answered.  
"I did, I spent some time hunting on my own. I'm sorry that I have been so distant to all of you. I have been preoccupied with my thoughts. Speaking of, Bella, do you mind if we go for a walk later?"  
Instant fear and adrenaline flowed through my nonexistent veins. I was so happy that he wanted to finally be alone with me, but at the same time I was so afraid. My mind raced with all the possibilities the situation could produce. Maybe Emmett was right in a way, maybe he was upset that I wouldn't need him like I did before. I still needed him, I needed to be loved by him, but I wasn't frail. Maybe Rosalie was right; maybe he could not handle what he thought he had done to my soul. I hoped it wasn't the later, I could probably show him I still needed him. I had no idea how to fix the soul going to be damned thing.  
"Yeah, do you want to go right now?" I said hoping that he wouldn't leave me tortured.  
"Actually, Bella, we should probably first discuss your situation in Forks." Carlisle spoke, suddenly in the room behind us.  
"Yeah, so, when can I see my dad, or go back to school?" I hesitated some; worried the answer would be never.  
"I hear your first encounter with a human was touch and go? It could have been a lot worse, but we still need to get you more in control." He said in a tone that made me think of how dads should sound.  
"So, how long do you think that will take? Can I at least call Charlie? Or my mom?" I was desperate to tell my father I was sorry, and I didn't mean any of what I had said. He must have been so torn up.  
"Well, we are trying to come up with a good explanation to give both Charlie and your mother. I am not exactly sure how long it will take you. Some newborn vampires cannot ever control their blood lust very well. Others are naturals and take less than a year."  
"A year! Are you serious?" I was scared that I wouldn't see Charlie for that long.  
"We will see how you do, maybe do a few tests on your strength of will. We can have some of us go with you on a trip into Port Angeles. There is less of a chance that locals will see you and we can see how you do. Until you are able to see your family and friends, we need a good explanation for all of this. Based on what Alice got from talking to Charlie, your mom is not aware of your leaving. We think you should call her and pretend as if all is normal. Don't tell her about you leaving to go to Phoenix, and pretend you are with Charlie." Carlisle stopped for a minute to think.  
"I think you should pretend to do the same with Charlie. Tell him you are in phoenix until the end of spring break. We can see how you are doing by then, maybe you can "come back to Forks" at the end of it. We can pretend that Alice and Rosalie went to see you. They can lay low for the next week and help you with your bloodlust. If they miss school this week and then the next week is spring break, maybe we can at least have you back in forks officially by then. We can cross the bridge of your living situation after that. You might have to pretend to need some space if living with a human is too challenging."  
Carlisle explained everything as if it would go so smoothly. At least this meant I could call Charlie and apologize. I just wanted to know he was ok.  
"Even better, we can go shopping again in Port Angles to test you." Alice said with a smile.  
"Sure, so when can I call?"  
"You can try now." He grabbed my cell phone from his pocket and handed it to me.  
I took the phone and made the easier of the two calls first. I dialed my mom, within 3 rings I heard her pick up. There was a lot of background noise, she must have been in a market or someplace very crowded.  
"Hello?" she said as if she didn't see who was calling.  
"Hey mom, how are you?"  
"Bella! Hey sweetie, I'm good, just at a Latin festival with Phil, how are you honey?"  
"I'm good, same stuff going on here, school, Charlie, rain." I laughed trying to sound normal.  
"I do not miss the rain! I miss you honey, but it is kind of hard to hear you. I have a lot going on over here, can I call you later?" She was happy and bubbly as ever.  
"Erm, sure mom, just call when you can. I love you."  
"I love you too sweetie. Bye." With that the line was dead.  
"Well, that was easy. I guess now comes the hard one." I spoke as I gained the strength to dial Charlie. The phone rang twice and an out of breath Charlie picked up. He sounded almost frantic.  
"Hello? Hello?"  
"Hey Dad!"  
"Bells? Bells, I was so worried about you." He sounded like his nerves were shot.  
"I'm so…I'm so sorry dad. I am ok, I didn't mean any of what I said." I felt so guilty as the worlds fell out of my mouth.  
"I'm just glad you are ok. Are you in phoenix? Are you safe where you are? Are you going to come home?"  
"I'm safe dad. And, yeah, Alice and Rosalie are on their way down to see phoenix this week and stay here for spring break. I think I had just been holding in a lot of stuff from the move and changes and all. I didn't mean to scare you. I think I just needed something familiar for a bit."  
"Uh, okay, as long as you are okay and safe Bells, I do wish you would come home though. Are you going to be okay with school?"  
"Alice is bringing my homework with her, I'll work on it this week. They will help me get caught up. I talked to the school today too."  
"Okay Bells, is everything okay with your mother? Is she moving back there?" He tried to sound interested in how his ex was doing. I think he wasn't sure what else to ask to make sure I was okay.  
"No, Phil is just on an away streak, so she is visiting with me. She is good, same as normal."  
"Well, be safe, call me this week, okay? I wanna know you are still alive." He sort of chuckled. That made me happy, I didn't want him to worry. It was good to hear him relax.  
"Okay dad, I love you."  
"Love you too bells, talk to you later, okay?" he sounded like he wanted a promise out of me.  
"Talk to you in a couple days. Bye dad."  
I was instantly relieved; both of my parents were alive and okay. It was easier than I thought to convince them that I was okay and not…well not an undead being thirsty for their blood. I had two weeks to get my control in, well in control. All I had to do was try to focus on not killing people. That should be easy, right?


	4. The Taming of the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who know Alice knows she is about as patient as a two year old child. She has good intentions, but she is sure eager. Bella tries to withstand a trip into the city with her, Rosalie and her newfound blood-lust. What's life without a slip up or two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your continued support and reviews! In this chapter we have a bit more of an interaction for Rosella. I apologize for any errors or mistakes; Grammar is not my forte. Please continue to review and let me know what you think. Enjoy!

After the phone call ended, Alice was overly excited to go shopping once again, she insisted on us going to hunt so that we could go to Port Angeles. You know, just in case. I was hoping to talk with Edward, but after the phone calls he went straight up to his room. I was more than sure he was putting me off. 

Alice invited Rosalie to come along for the hunt, her response was something to the effect of "I'd rather be torn into pieces and burned." I am pretty sure there was an explicative or two in her version though. The others left for school, so it was just Alice and I in the woods. She was kind of fun to watch run, she liked to take the high ground as much as she could and bounce tree to tree. I wondered if she would be offended if I nicknamed her spider monkey. 

We didn't go nearly as far as we did yesterday, Alice was far too eager to leave for shopping. I got my first taste of deer, which was good, but a lot less satisfying to catch. I can see why Emmett preferred Bears and other dangerous animals. My appetite surprised me once I started to drink, the need to quench my thirst was stronger than anything I had known. It was funny because until then I didn't think I was really that hungry. I was barely done with my deer when Alice was already rushing me to head back towards the house. I growled at her out of instinct. My kill was my own. She threw me from the deer and into a tree. I quickly snapped from my instinctual rage and felt a blush that she would never see.

“I…I’m sorry.” I said bashfully.

“You don’t think I’ve had to handle worse than you?” She said with a hand on her hip. She gave me a smirk. 

When we reached the house, Alice called out to Rosalie to get herself down and in the car. She was so impatient that she didn't even go in the house. Luckily, I didn't make a mess like I did the other day, because I was pretty sure I wouldn't have been given he time to change. I made conversation with Alice as we waited for Rosalie. I was pretty sure we had a minute since I didn't think Rosalie was rushing to get in a car with me.

"So, Rosalie called me Porcelain yesterday, why?"

"Just ignore her, that's just what she has always referred to you as." She was checking her lipstick in the mirror above her until I didn’t respond. She sensed that I wasn't satisfied with that answer. "She thought you were fragile." She said with a shrug.

I internally pouted that I had a nickname that was less than positive. It’s not like I was a complete wimp when I was human. I mean, I did hang out with vampires, not only that but I tried to rescue my mom from one of the said vampires. Ever the psychic, Alice must have sensed my feelings towards this revelation.

"Look Bella, none of the rest of us called you that. We really liked you, and we love you now. Don't worry about it."

Rosalie made her way out of the house and into the back seat. She was less than pleased to be going. Tension filled the car as her own rear hit the seat; I was starting to sense that Rosalie's special ability was laser eyes. I could feel the burn in the back of my head at certain points. I didn't dare turn to face her; my nerves wouldn’t let me. Maybe I was a wimp. Alice had tried to greet her; she didn't put too much effort into it. It was just her being polite.

Despite the obvious tension in the atmosphere, the drive was pleasant. Alice explained to me where we were going to go to shop. I had never heard of any of the places she mentioned. I pretty much got all my clothes from Wal-Mart, Target if I was feeling flashy. We made some conversation, although it was mostly Alice telling me stories and more gossip. Before I knew it, we were arriving at Port Angeles.

I could smell human blood already. I would have probably been going crazier had I not fed just before we left. My throat had a low intensity burn, but it was nothing I couldn't handle at that moment. The smells around us did invade my thoughts constantly though. As we made our way out of the car the smell hit me stronger. Alice paused to inspect my poise. She was looking for any signs of a crack in my volition.

"Alice, I'm fine. "

"I'm just making sure; we don't want to have any accidents." She said as if it were the equivalent of spilling a glass of water.

"I'm not saying that I'm not thinking about it, but I just fed, it makes this easier." I said feeling a little more confident with each word.

"Okay, well let's go then. We will keep an eye on you."

The three of us began walking the streets of Port Angeles. They had me wear sunglasses to hide the red in my eyes, just until we hit the costume shop for some brown contacts. When we arrived at the costume shop, I was a little surprised. I had expected a cheesy Halloween store, what I got was a costume, collectables and all out-nerd shop. Inside were two men who, if I had to guess, had never been on a date. One was tall, skinny, with dark greasy hair. The other was a shorter chubby teen with curly hair and a face full of acne.

"I'm telling you; the underworld universe vampires are superior in every way to Dracula. Marcus is faster and stronger!"

"Dude, what movie did you watch? Dracula is older and stronger. I don't even think…" The tall greasy twenty something was interrupted by our presence.

Both guys stood blankly for longer than seemed natural. The chubby boy's mouth was agape. I could instantly smell that he had snacked on Cheetos and mountain dew earlier. He also wore a small memento of his snack on his chest in the form of orange dust. It occurred to me that they probably didn't get a lot of women in this store, especially women like Alice and Rosalie.

"I prefer the vintage Nosferatu myself, sure he is not as flashy as the new adaptations, but he has a certain air about him, don't you think?" Alice added to their conversation as if she were a best friend to these guys. She possessed a charm most likely not caught by them, judging by the still blank looks on their faces. The tall greasy shop worker composed himself remembering suddenly he should speak and that staring with a jaw slack was rude.

"I…erm, I agree actually. Welcome to Dark Ventures Emporium, is there something you are looking for today?"

"Just picking up some color contacts for a party we are going to later. We are looking for a chestnut brown, do you have any?"

"We have deep brown, here…" He reached under the counter pulling out a case of different colors. After some consideration she purchased the contacts. As he was cashing her out, the chubby boy gained the courage to speak to Rosalie, who was quietly looking at some of the merchandise on a close by rotating rack.

"So, if you and your friends like folklore and monsters, we get together with some friends every Saturday night to LARP vampires and other creatures. I am a werewolf, we could…I don't know…maybe grab some dinner beforehand and you could be my date?"

Rosalie turned her attention from some voodoo dolls to the chubby boy with guts. She looked him up and down. I'm not quite sure if it was my imagination, but I was certain I saw Rosalie give out a small laugh. I wish she did that more, it made her seem pleasant, if not just for a second. Her face fell flat, but her left brow curved upward in her answer to his request.

"Tempting, but no thank you." She said. In that next moment his world crumbled. His positive face fell, though I'm not sure Rosalie noticed. She promptly moved to join us as we walked out of the store with our purchase. Alice, being the ever-polite woman, she waved and wished them a good day.

After that we went to several stores. I had my new contacts in, but they were a bit irritating. I felt like my vision was somewhat impaired, like looking through a dirty window at the world. I was doing well around other humans, luckily the town wasn't too crowded, and the stores were almost empty. I suppose this was the advantage and strategy of going on a Monday morning. I still felt a little like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Freely walking through a herd of unknowing sheep.

Alice had told me she was proud of me in a low whisper a couple of times after being in stores with multiple people. It meant a lot that I was not disappointing my new family. I have to say, the torture of the low burn in my throat was nothing compared to the torture of playing dress up with Alice. I adore the girl, but she knows no limits when it comes to clothes shopping. I could totally see why Jasper needed some time to recuperate. The whole day Rosalie silently followed us. As the day wore on, I felt slightly less tension between us, as if she was forgetting about the fact that I destroyed her priceless baby.

Towards the end of our day we had accumulated too many bags to carry, well, too many to carry and look human. Not many human women casually carry tens of full bags on their arms walking several blocks. At least not with a smile. Alice offered to go grab the car, I offered to go with, but she insisted on me staying with the bags. I think she just wanted to torture me more by leaving me with Rosalie.

It had been only about five minutes of silence before a strong smell of blood struck me. The low burn in my throat turned to a raging flame. Human blood was so intoxicating that I lost myself. Before any thought or reservation, I set off in the direction of the blood. It was probably a good thing that we were waiting behind a store in an alley way because I lost all ability to act human. I was running at vampire speed when I spotted the sight of the wonderful sweet blackberry and wine smell that teased me so much. A couple was standing near the water; he was helping her up from a fall she had taken. They were both a little more than buzzed. I could see a scrape on her shin and a small amount of blood trickling down her leg.

I sped towards my target, venom pooling in my mouth. I pushed the man off my prey, he must have flown ten feet where he hit his head on a lamp pole. I grabbed the woman quickly and embraced her. I hand my left hand over her mouth, holding her tight from behind. My right hand held her tight around her waist. I went to sink in my teeth to her smooth neck when I was suddenly pulled from my prize. My head was yanked back and I was thrown at least fifteen feet. I landed less than gracefully. I quickly got up to my feet, a loud growl escaping my mouth. I looked to see Rosalie crouched and ready to defend what was rightfully mine.

I growled louder and ran at her, no thoughts running through my head, only instincts controlling me. I reached her with offensive arms ready to rip into her. She easily grasped my hands, turning my body into a hold. She had me in a tight bear like hug. I struggled to get free; I think I hated her more than she hated me. How did my newborn strength not win? She held me in a compromising grasp.

"Bella, you need to control yourself!" She said sternly into my ear. She was trying to be quiet; as to not cause any more attention to our situation, but her voice was cold and demanding.

"Mine!" I shouted with a growl.

"Control yourself! You don't want to do this. Focus Bella! This is a human, you will regret this later!"

I said nothing; I only struggled against her strong grip. She had me too tight in her embrace to wiggle out. The smell of the human's blood burned my throat like a hot iron. The human was in shock, she was scared but said nothing, only staring from her position on the ground. Her mouth was open in awe of what she was witnessing. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. My thoughts began to return with these observations. I was still enraged but other emotions began to invade my being. I saw the fear on the human’s face. I caused that fear; I caused the second human to bleed against the lamppost not more than ten feet away.

"Bella, we need to go, we can't be seen here. Pull yourself together." I stopped struggling against her grip. She didn't waver in her hold.

"Okay, I just…are they okay? Is he…?" I couldn't get out all the words swirling in my thoughts.

"He is fine, can you control yourself?"

"I don't…I don't know."

"I am going to let you go, I need you to run. Run away from here right away. Do not stop, do not let yourself turn around. Run back to where we were and keep going, I will follow." Her voice was so firm, no one would have power against that tone.

"okay." I said worried that I was a danger to myself.

With that she loosened her hold. In less than the blink of an eye I was gone, I was back to our things. Alice was pulling up in her car, but I didn't stop. I could not disobey Rosalie's instructions, I just continued. I ran in the alley until there were no more alleys. I ran across an empty street and into the woods. To the best of my knowledge I would see the road we traveled here on soon. It took me only minutes, but I found our highway. I stopped there.

Minutes later Alice found me; She must have seen everything in a vision. Her and Rosalie were together in her car and when they picked me up they pretended to be normal. I was so ashamed that I did that; they probably sensed this and felt bad for me.

"Hey there Bella, c'mon sweetie, let's go." She said with the window rolled down.

I sat there in the dirt on the side of the road, my hands on my head. I ignored her request. She put the car in park and got out. Her small feet paced towards me tentatively and sat down, but not without a small grunt from the dirt that was bound to mess up her pants.

"Bella, it’s okay, you are less than a week old. We expected you to do much worse, actually. That's why we are here." She comforted me with her arm on my shoulder. I said nothing.

"You will get better, honey. You were doing well until someone bled. It will get easier, I promise. " She said softly.

"You guys are all going to hate me, what if I can't be stopped, what if I am alone? What if I kill someone?" I would have been crying had I been human. She laid her head on my shoulder and held my hand.

"None of us hate you, and none of us will. You won’t ever be alone. Let's go home Bells."

She got up and offered her hand to mine. I grabbed her hand with a small smile and got up. We brushed our pants off, got in the car and made our way home. On the way home I surprisingly felt no tension between Rosalie and me. I was a bit worried that she would be mad at me for trying to rip her arms off. Maybe she felt pity for me since I failed so poorly. I looked at her in the rear view mirror periodically, but she never seemed to notice. She only watched out the rear window. I wondered what sort of thoughts were in her perfect head. I worked up the courage to speak to her when we were almost home.

"Hey Rosalie, thank you for saving me from myself." I said shyly. I could see her in the mirror; she continued to watch out the rear window. After a moment, when I had convinced myself that she would not respond, she did.

"I didn't do it for you." She spoke in a soft voice without turning.

When we reached home, we grabbed all the bags in one trip. We no longer had to pretend to be delicate human women. We made our way up to the porch when Edward came out of the house to meet us. 

“Oh, no.” Alice said under her breath. Her face was full of worry. 

I looked at her questioningly. Before I had the chance to ask what she meant she greeted him, though he did not seem to be happy to see us. He looked to be somber, deep in thought. He spoke without any detectable emotion behind his words.

"Bella. Will you go for a walk with me? We need to talk."


	5. Never Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward confronts Bella and their word is forever changed. Bella loves him, but he cannot see past the monster she is. Who he has made her to be. One long run and a slip up later we find that Bella is unraveling at the seams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the reviews! A warning, this chapter gets a little dark. There is some violence and reference an abusive situation. It’s all to make the good seem even better though. I reread each chapter that I post and can't help but notice how immature my writing was. I still love this story and support it. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think, would you feel the same in Edward's shoes?

"Of course." I said hesitantly.

A strange mix of emotions came over me. I was nervous, scared and excited all at one time. I missed him more than ever; we had been so distant since my turn. I was happy to have a few minutes alone to talk, but so afraid that his demeanor was so cold.

I set my bags down to next to Alice. She looked at me with a worried expression. I assumed she was worried because of my recent outburst with the couple on our shopping trip. I silently mouthed, "I'll be okay." She nodded in response.

Edward and I strolled into the forest; it felt like forever before we spoke. We must have walk three miles, but I wasn't exactly keeping track. I was so nervous that the only thought residing in my head was that I hoped we were okay. I hoped that he wasn’t mad at me for the choices I made that lead us to this point. I wanted him to want me still, to love me.

We slowed our pace near an area I didn't recognize. I hadn't hunted or crossed this area to the best of my knowledge. Green trees thick with moss stretched far above our heads. The forest floor was unexplored, natural and unaltered. I could hear a stream flowing nearby, and birds chirping in the trees. It would have been a cheerful place had I not been so anxious.

"Bella, I think we should talk about what is happening. What has been on my mind." Edward spoke finally.

"Are we okay? I feel like maybe I did something…" I stopped speaking, feeling like I was missing a point he was intending on making.

"You didn't do anything Bella, I did. I couldn’t be strong for you; I couldn't stop even when your life depended on me to. It’s because of me that you are this monster." He spoke as if he were tortured by every word.

"I'm not a monster Edward, well, I am trying not to be. I think I can get better; I will try my best to be better." I spoke pleading with him.

"You are a monster, but it is not your fault. I did this to you. If it weren't for me, Carlisle wouldn't have had to do this. You would still be in school, living your life, you would be able to see Charlie." He looked away from me as he continued. "I've been thinking a lot about all of this, about us. I can't pretend to be okay with this. I can't pretend to be okay with what I did to you."

I felt a large lump forming in my throat as I heard each word spill out of Edward's mouth. It was like one of those moments that you try hard to find a pause button for, but no matter what you do, nothing stops it from continuing. I just wanted it to stop, to go back. I wanted to go back to before he spoke and spend forever in those moments of just being together.

"Edward, we can work through this. I'll be better and you will see that…" he cut me off.

"No, it’s not what you are doing Bella. I can't be with you and I can't be here. I am going to go away for a while. You are going to try to live this life the best way you can. I can't do anything to ever make up for what I did to you. The best thing I can do is stay away from you."

"Edward, please."

"I won't stay around here to hurt you more. I will find a way to atone for my sins." He said. His body was cold, he turned away from me as panic overwhelmed me.

"Just stay okay, just be with me. I need you. I need you more now than ever. I can't…I can't do any of this without you." I desperately pleaded.

"Bella, I do not love you anymore. In fact, I despise what you are. I cannot stay around to watch you as this creature." He said in the harshest tone I had ever heard him speak.

"Edward…" I cried out, crumbling to my knees.

Edward stood with his back still straight; he only allowed his eyes to travel down to my level. I had no strength, no will to stand. I wasn't sure if I could ever stand again. This was all some horrible nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. He stood, watching me for a moment. After that he only said one more thing to me.

"This new life will be free of me. Goodbye, Bella."

I lifted my head to speak, to stop him. He was gone. The forest floor had consumed me. I struggled against myself, finding the will within me to get up. I found myself rising to my feet, my love for him giving me purpose. I searched the forest from where I stood. He was gone. I had to find him. My reason for living, for fighting my nature, for everything was gone. I tried to reason what direction he ran in, but I had no clue. I had no idea how to tract, so the next thing I did was out of sheer desperation. I just ran. I ran for hours, I circled and backtracked and retraced again. By nightfall I was completely lost, both physically and mentally. My world was spiraling out of control. I continued doing the only thing I knew I could do; I ran.

By daybreak I was near a city. I could smell the strong scent of exhaust and asphalt. The city was still asleep. The sun was just barley peaking over the horizon. I was a zombie moving ever forward, I was coming unhinged. It was then that I smelled the familiar scent I craved more than anything. In that moment, I craved it more than Edward. The difference now was that I no longer cared to resist it.

I let myself give into the beast within me. I followed the nearest scent of delectable human I could detect. I was in a rough part of the city; I didn't even know what city I was in. I remember thinking it could be Seattle by how many tall buildings it had. I wasn't very familiar with Olympia though, so it could have been there. The scent brought me to a broken-down house. I saw man walking in a business suit into the house. I quietly stalked my target. That unlucky man would be mine.

I heard the man from outside the door. He had an appointment with a girl whom he only referred to as a number. I knew he was meeting a girl by the casual vulgar descriptions he gave about her to the man behind the desk. I heard the man pay what seemed to be a large sum of money and in exchange receive a key with a time limit on his visit. It didn't take much of an investigator to figure out that whatever this man was up to, it was not going to be good for anyone.

With very little effort I jumped up to the second story, clinging to a tree outside a boarded-up window. I was outside the room the man entered. I heard him put his things down on a table and speak to the girl who had only been referred to as a number. Her response was muffled and slurred. I could hear her heart speed and her throat give out a wine. Instantly I was infuriated, I ripped the boards off the window to reveal what I had suspected. I remember my first victim easily; it was the man I had claimed on the street. He had just unbuckled his pants when I burst through the window. I quickly reached him. I grabbed him by his blonde hair with my left hand, tugging his head towards the floor and exposing his neck. I remember the way he tasted. It was nothing like I had experienced with the animals I had conquered. His blood was so thick and velvet like. He tasted like iron and strawberry.

It took only moments to drain him. I needed more. I untied the girl from the bed and growled at her. She was half out of her mind, half scared out of her wits. They must have given her something strong. I told her to leave and to never speak of what she saw. She nodded and escaped quickly. The next moments have remained a bit of a blur to me, most of which is filled with blood. I remember being selective in my prey. My control left me proud of myself. Every single victim of the prey that I searched for was set free. I only drained those that preyed on the girls I found.

After I snapped out of the craze I was living in, I panicked. What had I done? I had a house full of victims. I had a house full of evidence that would surely destroy me. I went to the door and locked it. I thought for a few moments on what to do. After some careful consideration I decided to wait until nightfall to dispose of the mess I had created. I was covered in the evidence of my wrongdoing, I had to change or else my plan would never work. After searching through the basement, I found a box full of girl’s clothes. I put on a shirt that I would have never picked to wear had I not been on the brink of being taken down for murder.

Keeping the door locked I crawled out of the window I had opened with force earlier. I scaled my way down to the ground and searched the city of a good place to dispose of the bodies. My exterior was composed but inside I was freaking out. I couldn't believe what I had done. I was a complete failure. I would never be able to return to the Cullen's; they would never have such a monster. I knew Edward had been right about me.

I found keys to one of the victims BMW SUVs parked a block away. Thankfully I found a placed to hide my mess. I prayed that no one would ever find out what I did. I never went back to the house. I couldn't bring myself to face it again. I just left the car in an Alley in town and found the cheapest hotel in the area. I still had my old college fund in the bank, and I used it. I had no idea how much time passed, I just sat in the hotel, allowing time to continue around me, I didn't deserve to live and I couldn't die. I didn't allow myself to feed; I couldn't trust myself to make decisions on any creature's destiny. It felt like no time and forever had happened all at one time.

I must have spent days without making a single move. Outside my little universe that was my room, the world turned and moved without me. Night turned to day, then back to night again. I lost count on how many times this happened. My mind played a continuous reel of what happened between Edward and me. I saw all of the good and the bad. I'm not sure which moments hurt worse; the good or the bad. Everyone we had seemed so far away now. I wished I could go back in time and relive it all. I felt so much pain from every memory. I wanted and needed that pain though.

I would never allow myself to forget any of it. I would sit here and relieve all of these moments for the rest of time, if it meant I could be with him. I hated thinking of our last moments together, but I had to. I had to remember that this life was real, even if I didn't want this reality. For a long time, I was determined to live in this pain.

After a long time, my mind would still for periods, and eventually it became easier to live in the still moments. Eventually I lost all that I had clung to. I didn't purposefully forget; I just chose to not be. I chose to not think anymore, to not be present in my thoughts. I chose to be numb and it was easier.

I was so focused on nothing that I didn't even hear that I had company. The next thing I remember was a hard slap across my face. If I didn't know any better, I would say I had a pretty big crack to show for it.

"Bella Marie Swan, how could you do this to me?"

I turned in my zombie like state to see Alice more upset than I had ever seen. She had caused the sharp pain to my jaw. I said nothing; I only apathetically stared into her face.

"Do you have any idea, any idea how long we have been searching for you?" She said still furious. "Ugh, you smell like a rotting baby diaper. Have you not showered, Bella? Honestly, what's wrong with you?"

"You can just leave, Alice. I don't need your company." I said blankly.

"You have some nerve Bella, if you weren't dead, I would kill you right now." She said sternly. She walked out of the room, leaving the door wide open. She was still within view when she spoke to a figure outside of my view.

"I don't know what to do. She is a zombie; she isn't even her anymore." She spoke to the mystery figure.

I stayed focused on a painting above the hotel room TV that I had been looking at for what must have been days at this point. It wasn't a particularly interesting painting, but it was there, and I did not want to be. I suddenly felt an embrace under my legs and behind my back. Someone had picked me up and was carrying me out of the room. To my deepest surprise, my savior in that moment was none other than Rosalie Hale.

**Author's Note:**

> I have over 140.000 words of this story completed, so hang on as I casually post bits of it at a time!


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